theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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