we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
