So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
