So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
