What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
