even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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