She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
