i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
