I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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