It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
