all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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