so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
