Cold hands, warm shart.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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