he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
