Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
