Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
