too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
