i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
