One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize