dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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