I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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