areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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