He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
