We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize