i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tornado booty call.. dedication
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
