alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
