His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
