my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
