My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
