We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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