Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
