Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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