im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
