if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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