i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize