Fuck appropriateness.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize