Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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