I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have fence marks all over my body
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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