you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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