Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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