You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
