I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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