Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
