As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
