I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
