Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
