her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
