God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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