Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
