He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
