I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
