the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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