I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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