my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
