Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
