Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
