a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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