Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
