When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize