im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
