I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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