the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
