Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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