I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
