That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
