apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
