You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
