life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
