just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
