The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
