why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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