I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
