how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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