Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
