i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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