My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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