it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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