I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
