I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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