So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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