Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
