So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She swung at the pinata with crutches
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
