we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
