That's intense
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
