I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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