dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
