guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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