i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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