Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
