mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
