Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
