i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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