so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
