i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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