Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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