I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
