your thong is hanging out like whoa
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
