I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
