i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
