there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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