Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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