and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
