naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
