70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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