6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How's work?
Spinning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drunk is not a location!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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